\n
\n
\n
\n<\/p>\n
Whether it is physical, sexual, cultural, spiritual or
\ncybernetic, violence is always about power and control. Violence is a
\nrepetitive process, which can escalate to crime and even murder. This sick
\npower-control game is causing deep trauma into the victims. But what is
\ndomestic violence from a psychological point of view and what are the stages of
\nthis process? Psychotherapist Cristina Nastase explains.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n
\n
\n
<\/p>\n
Cristina N\u0103stase: From a psychological point of view violence in the family, also
\nknown as domestic violence involves intentional premeditated actions based on
\nphysical or emotional constraint against another family member in order to
\ncontrol them. So, this is abuse. Domestic violence is a repetitive process, a
\nsuccession of abusive actions, which can become predictable. This violence loop
\nso to say has four stages, that can be noticed either in the behaviour of the
\nvictim or the aggressor. The first stage consists of tension. The victim is
\ntensioned and they are walking on eggshells trying to calm down the spirits. In
\nthe second stage, that of aggression, the victim is being humiliated, sad and
\nhas the feeling of unfairness and that the other always gets what they want. In
\nthe third stage, of rationalizing, the victim tries to understand and help the
\naggressor to change. The victim doubts their own feelings and feels somehow
\nresponsible for the situation. In the fourth stage, the reconciliation, or the
\nhoneymoon as was dubbed, the victim gives another chance to the aggressor. The
\nvictim offers their full support hoping the aggressive behaviour will change. Unfortunately,
\nRomania ranks among the first countries in the EU in terms of domestic
\nviolence. Every 30 seconds, a woman gets beaten and 3 out of 10 have suffered
\nphysical and psychological aggression since they were 15. Another EU statistics
\nshows that every hour, two children in Romania are victims of domestic violence
\nand 86% of these abuses are taking place inside the family. Only one out of 9
\nparents says they would never hit their children while 50% say they are doing
\nit for the benefit of the children. 63% of the children have confessed they
\nhave been hit by their parents at least once. <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n
<\/p>\n
Paradoxically, although repeatedly abused the victim does
\nnot leave the aggressor. Fooled by the aggressor’s behaviour right after the
\nabuse, the victim feels like giving the aggressor another chance. Then another
\none. Here is Cristina N\u0103stase again at the microphone:<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n
\n
\n
<\/p>\n
Cristina N\u0103stase: There is a certain stage in the abuse process, called the honeymoon,
\nduring which the abuser changes their behaviour towards the victim in order to
\nprevent her from leaving. They may appear as showing genuine remorse, pledge to
\nseek professional help and even behave in order to regain the victim’s trust.
\nWe should not forget the victim is in a state of confusion and the aggressor’s
\npledges and changed behaviour can make the victim to believe the relationship
\ncan be saved. It is very important for the victims to understand they aren’t
\nthe cause of the abuse and they should avoid any feeling of guilt, which is
\nactually keeping them trapped in this relationship with the abuser.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n
\n
\n
<\/p>\n
The abuse can take various forms as Cristina N\u0103stase further
\nexplains:<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n
\n
\n
<\/p>\n
Cristina N\u0103stase: There are several known
\nforms of domestic violence. The most evident of them is physical violence,
\nwhich refers to bodily harm. Sexual violence includes non-consensual sex,
\ninvolving family members and even children. Psychological violence can take the
\nform of threats, coercion, harassment, emotional blackmail, humiliation,
\ngaslighting, using children as a means to put pressure, and so on. Social
\nviolence involves the forced isolation of the victim, by forbidding or
\nrestricting contacts with friends or family. Economic violence is the
\nprohibition to work, restricting the victim’s access to money, personal
\nbelongings, food, telephone, everything that would make the victim autonomous. Spiritual
\nviolence may include preventing the victim from speaking their mother tongue or
\nforcing unacceptable religious practices. There is also a new form of domestic
\nviolence, cyber-violence, which consists in online harassment, monitoring and
\nintercepting the victim’s devices without their consent. All these forms of
\nviolence are used to gain a position of control and power. <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n
\n
\n
<\/p>\n
Emotional blackmail,
\nmanipulation, coercion, frequent mentioning of the victim’s past mistakes, are
\nall elements of guilt tripping. Cristina N\u0103stase:<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n
\n
\n
<\/p>\n
Cristina N\u0103stase: Guilt tripping is a form
\nof domestic violence called emotional violence. Unlike physical violence, it is
\na long-term process that the victim fails to perceive and ends up by seeing as
\nnormal. It is basically a form of verbal or non-verbal communication through
\nwhich the abuser seeks to induce a feeling of guilt or responsibility so as to
\ncontrol the victim’s behaviour. This is a clear form of psychological
\nmanipulation and coercion, and it may be identified in various situations: when
\nthe abuser suggests the victim has not worked as much or as well as they have, when the abuser discusses the victim’s past mistakes, when they remind the
\nvictim of the favours they have received, when they behave as if they were
\nangry but then they deny having a problem, when they resort to the silent
\ntreatment while their body language makes it clear that they disapprove of the
\nvictim. Guilt tripping may work when trying to make the partner do something,
\nbut the cost is that the other person feels manipulated.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n
\n
\n
<\/p>\n
Children are the most
\nvulnerable and the easiest to hurt. Perfect victims, lacking any defence, abused
\nchildren actually take this to be normal. Psychologist Cristina N\u0103stase tells
\nus about the consequences of physical, psychological and other forms of
\nviolence on children: <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n
\n
\n
<\/p>\n
Cristina N\u0103stase: Children often remain
\nloyal to the abusing parent or caregiver, because they are afraid of what might
\nhappen if they speak about the abuse. An emotionally abused child may also come
\nto believe that name-calling or emotional neglect are normal facts of life. Children
\nmay be unwilling to talk about the abuse because they mistake it for normal
\nbehaviour. Children often think they are responsible for the abuse, for being
\nunwanted or unloved. It is only by contrasting their own experience with the
\nones of other children, by discussions in school, that they can eventually
\nunderstand that what they experience is toxic. The consequences of domestic
\nabuse in children may be severe, and they may last until adulthood. These
\nchildren will experience attachment disorders, intimacy problems, conflict
\nresolution difficulties, destructive behaviour, addiction, aggression,
\nemotional unresponsiveness, and without adequate intervention those who have
\nbeen abused as children are more likely to abuse their own children later in
\nlife. (tr. D. Bilt, A.M. Popescu)<\/p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Domestic violence is a repetitive process, a succession of abusive actions, which can become predictable<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":137,"featured_media":143950,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42997],"tags":[31741,29948,43742,43868,43866,43865,43867,29767],"coauthors":[],"class_list":["post-143949","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-society-today","tag-abuse","tag-children","tag-domestic","tag-emotional","tag-guilt","tag-psychological","tag-tripping","tag-violence"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n